Hawaii Holomua, Volume I, Number 24, 14 October 1893 Edition 02 — The Fairy Tale of the Grand Muitis Seryant THE BITEK BIT [ARTICLE]

The Fairy Tale of the Grand Muitis Seryant THE BITEK BIT

I Onoe apen a time in the long t ago —at least that is the way &11 ; fairy Ules begio, and as this is a < laiiy tale. we «appoae it must « begin that way, althongh, we are , not snre of the chronological ae- , caracy of the statament—there ! was an Eastern citv of great ' renowu in the protlactionof sngar, ] mosqaitoes, and rognes. Now * in thia city there dwelt two war- t ring sects variously described as i the Mish Nayrees and the Anti i Mish Nayreea. At the timo, oar 1 tale begins the Misb Nayreea. ] otherwise, Beni Stevens or sons < of well Mish Nsyrees had j their foes the Anti Mish Nayrees i bv meaus of foreigu assistance ( wrested tbe power from. and i goveracd their foes vrith a hean' ] līand—that is heavy with gold j wrnng fn*iu the plundered tax- , pavers who were all of the Anti , Mish Nayree sect, and objected ■ stroagly to thoir hard-earned ] monev going into the ponehea ( and stomachs of Uie cbief saints < of the Misb Nayrees and tbeir ] hireling foreign mercenarie«. Bot ( this is by the way. Now in the . former days when the Misb Nay- * rees were oat of power and plaee, their scrites and pbarisees but , especially their scribes had railed and wept exceedingly sore, and declared that the Grand Mufti of the poliee was a rogae, and his department a den of thieves aml robbers, aml that it was a scsndal to all good religion and goverament, and when by frand and violence they had sacceeded in oasting the Anti MLsh Nayrees their scribes poblicly rejoiced and wrote long articles to show tbat now the blessing of Heaven had descendeil on the nation, and that the Grand Mnfti and the poliee departmout woold be pure as Angels of Gotl — also maeh more frequenUy risible than they when on dnty. But strange as it may seem the 6rst two Grand Muftis proved themselvoa so unfitte<l for associaUon with tbe Chief Pharisees of the Mish Nayrees that they retired speedi!v and joined the ranks of tbe Anti-Mish Nayrees. and the scribes onee more rejoice<i and howled. and wrote long »creeds to prove that there was bnt one W. O. S. (WUy old scoundrel) and E G.H. (ever green bnmbag) was his prophet, and the only one hoavenborn Grand Mafti in the Nation. For had he not gaine<l moeh shekelaand praise by sacceeding in his ownprovince in extenninating the iiqnor traffic bv driving from ooe distric? to another and back again. ohen enouph to bo abie to give bigh rewatds to bis inforxners aod spies. ami yet rn the manner of the Miah Nayrecs with er«iy pocxmiserilv profitable vice not deetroy H so attw!y that >t wca!d i no longer «tiord hia pleaenm and amoaemeni in chasing it and dnllying with it, while at Ihe aame time drawing in the otsoal <

Mbh Niyrw*s maoQ«>r good f«t |wy for sappnsssing il. *nJ so it was done. And tb« new Grand Mafii wbos«* gory locks were of crinwon huo inoarnadiue mingleil with tha white of a purity wkieh h*d uot been sallied by eonlaei with the rogaes and thieres. liar» *nd swindlers, opinm-booillers *ud extortioners, bribe-t*kers and ex-convicts with whom he snr. roanded himself as hi» assistants, said to himself now shall we have th»t pnro and holy city the Mish Nayroes desire this to l»e. No scribe shall ever be able to scandMlizc this departmeut. and straightway his subor\lin«ites robbetl the opioiu of the govorament storetl in » strong room in his office under his nose. Then held ho his hands in horror and said, '‘Be chesm' on my bead ba it! I will guard this opium no more. If the anti-Mish Nayreo Gn»nd Mufti conld do it for two years all right- It is not the basmess of the poliee to guard anvthiag. 1 wou't. My followers are too smart.” So tlie remaimler was removed to another plaoo where neither thievos nor polieemen break in and steal, but only Custom officers. And straightway the soribes of the Mish Nayree party wrote long and tediously to prove ihat these sons of guns of polieemeu (on whose heads be dirt.) who stole tbe opinm were anti-Mish Nayree emissaries m disgnise aml plotted this to bring disgrace on tho holy and pare admiuistration of the Miah Nayrees. And , »o the tale wont on. The Mish Navreo poliee departroent went t on— bribes were taken, more wore 1 extorted, criminals were seldom r detected orcaoght. wheu detected aud if caught they generally 1 escaped frora castody, women were decoyed into grat.i fying the passions of polieomen f and then arrested for »o doing, J false plots were hatched and ini j nocent men iraprisoned.

And the »bettorB mnd mctors in tbese Rtrange things wero nphehl by the Mi»h Nayree Grand Mufti, and weie not di»nii>wed in ignom* iny, but if pnblic opinion waa too strong. and the act too glaring, the offender wa» noi pros 'd »o a» not to ceo»c scandal by any undue poblic revetation». And Mish Nayrees and Anti Mish N*yree» alike held op their hands io awe and said. "traly great i» W. O. 8. and E. G. H. is his prophet indeed. Wonderfal indeed are their ways. and great ia the renown they bring to the Miah Nsyrees and thia nation. How Iong } O Lord' how long J '’ Tet, one day to thi» city tfaere arrived a mighty ves»el with moeh wealth and pnxlnce o( otber nations to barter for the •ogar and mosqnitoes and rognes. whieh were tbe prodoce of :be nation And on bo*rd of ber there abode ooe skilled in metal and machinery, and be bad with him soodry fine metal hoiea of br*se (like unto that io the cheeks of the gxeat W. O. 8. and his prophet) to the nomber of ■ ,

100, aml eaek SUe>.i vith a bUck pa-te moeh Uesire*i br celestia! being>. Loog be jxmdenxi as to how to dispose of the drog. acd tbea called be to his assistance one Mish Nayree former!y empioyed in tbe coilection of doties whoee head was as long as hi» body in tbe art of surreptitioosly evading those rery daties be bad onee aseisted in co!lecting. The iwo p!anned that on that rerv night the long one should eome nnder the stern of tbe ressel in a boat and signal by throwing two specimens of tbe Irish tnber on board on whieh tbe metallician shonld lower those huudreds caskat» of brass filied witb the drng into the boat, and the long one should convey the same secretly to the shore and dispose of it. Earnest money of twenty-fire chekels was l>assed out and the bargain eoncluded. Tbat nigbt tbe deed was consmnmated, and the long one might hare been seen wending bis way through sballow mnd with a bnndle eontaining vdhe 1>recious caskeis on his back till te reached the shoro near tbe spot assigned to the bntchers of the city. Bnt the Grand Mufti had iu his zeal appointed sundry to watch the harbor and the men of the sea and the strangers, and one of these, nameil the son of tongue had in Mish Nayrees parlanee “dropped” on to the game. 80 taking unto himself another like mindedswiftly leapedtbrongh the city and met the long one as be reuched the shore witb his precious burdeu. The two arrestetl tbe long oue, and took his bnndle and then baring per~ 8uaded hira to pass out twentvfive dollars, tbey loosed their hold on hīm, and be Hed as for his life. Several days, stayed he at homo after this misa«lveuture, for said he, if I meet the Metallieian and te)l hira this. he will say to me, it is the yarn of the Cock and the male Cow, aud he will hold me up to his associates as ono of those who live by stealiug the property of others. Yet, neoessity finally compe!led him to appear on the spot. And to his susprise. the Meiallieian was not angr>’ or inclined to use, hard words but conrteousiy treated him and invited him tt> enter his quarters wbere they could be private and he passe<l him one hundred shekels of the connhy the moietv of the >reviot>sly agrecil on price for atuling the drug. Now did tbe oug one begiu to excnse and accuse himself for that he had not the drog and to swoar by all the gods that ho bad been violently deforced of it in the manner related. When to bis surprise the meiallieian did tbe following tale unfold. Know you that it is all right: After you had gone I was seized with a suspicion that you wonld deceive me and coovey the drng into places unknowu to me so I said to my ]»artner suppose the son of a guu sbonld steai the precions drug. Let us go watch bira. 80 we hin*d a carriage of tbe eonntry and swiftly hīetl os to tte landing plaee agreed oo and when arrived tfaere wo fonnd the polieemen sqoatted down and carefully dividing onr precions coskets iuto two portions one for eneh whieh they evidently meani to dispoee of privately vithont acqnamting the Grand Mafti and 80 gather to themselves nnmerons shekets more than tbey otherwise voold receive. For snch is the roanoer of all tbese Mish Nayree foliowers. Boodle is their onlr aim. So my pnrtner and I nther th*n permit this infraction of the orders of the Graod Mnhi by bis snbordina(esdid set apon thoee two and f i ei annia did despoU them of tbose csakets and dispose o( tbem at the nsoal figure. So the Iong one yoa see. ths biter wss bit snd ihe Gnusd Mufti i» an iaeoenpeienl aea and snrnMiaded by rognes aod vsgsboods of hts owa chosing.