Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 27, 30 October 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. lf you have a good gag, send it in and iee leill pubīish it, and give your name ihe credit. —Koko-Nuts. 1

One of tbese days "KoK«>-Nnts" is going to get good aiul sore. We're getting darn good aiKl tii'ed of bcing. liUiiuod for evepytliing tliut y:oes into tifo neusi>apers whon ?lu- name of the real uuthor oaiuun bo learnod. Kvery time thero is souiotliing in some newsp{ipor that ssome person <loesn't HlJe, usuully pul>Ushed uiuler a nom de plunie, fello\v l>y ■the.nunie of Dixon is hlanunl the tirst tl)ing. He fets tlie ■Wanie for everythiug froui siuuggling letters out of jii.il for politi«.al pris()siers to writiug up the poliee dei»tirtiueut under an assumed nanie. This last accūsation is just too. niueli. "Koko-Nuts" inay be an t>gg but he's no Ilani. In tbis instaiue Ihe Haw and egg doesn't hleiul well. A few uiore dirty cra<.ks nbout flie thiugs vve don't write and wo'io going to opeu up with sohr' real stuff, a few stories that will inaUo the Tlawaii Sentinel seeni liko a ?nnday School paper in coniparisoii. As for that "Ham" story, yuppoSed to lmve been writton iii Ililo, but really liaving orgiuated in llonolulu and published under a fake Hilo dateline, telling bow 'rotteu" the Hllo poliee departmeiu iss, aud liow thls city ougl)t to be eleaueū up, it might be well for Ilonolulu to eleau up itself before its tatks about its neighbor being dirty. If tliere ever was a dirty spot, with dirty politiciaus ruling, aud : bordellos ruiming wide opeu iu the heart of the eity, it is Honolulu, When anybody from tbat citj starts advocating a elean-up eampaign for Hilo, it's like the kettk calling the pot hlaek. Oieau your own skirts 6rst, Houoluiu, before you siart casting aspirations ou auother city that is a YMCA puuie grounds In eouipansou. And as for Mr. HauiiUou \Tare, Phopey to you! We dou't eveu know wlio you atv uud we dou't want to know you, but if you iusist ūpou wriiiiig stories under your byllne, whii h we think isn*t your reul name, so tliat sonie innoeenl guy gets tlie raspb< ri\\, we'U be foroed to t r:\cU ynu and learu your true ldeutUy for our owu protection. Your uauio may be Haui, and it may not, but luue you ever stopped to consider ju>t wluit part of a hog*s anatomy a haiu eouiea from; DESERT POME NO. 95 Stal1ed on the desert ls a poor, silly ass; In his hufry to leave He farj}ot to It's usuai!y some little tlilns tbat starts people, and other tliltig-s, ;<m the road 10 faiue. \Vasu't it a buuil»U> beo t!»;K reaib uiavlc Ferdinaiwl tbe I>un famous? HYMN 0F HATE j A piri we hate ls wuitress# Drasli; Your orvler eggs, Sho brit\g,s you hasli. l»UtL»NG A FAST ONE

M<'Pherson got his U:srherV ībe 0!Uo;- >!,!>, ilini vhls 1S iiow he iiul it : lie af4sed ihe i'. il'oi' slte wi>uhl

«havi> 000 sn!o of hi> f{HV fx>r ll«lf ,S}iv >;tf i M'.o \\ ouiU, "Whiol» Oo you «ish me lo rt*«ve«." :«xko-.l vHH>tiio k «> cv>urs*.V' sai<J iiuulo «u tbciv VB9 noihi.i*: tl'o V:ir:.or oouUl do but sfe«vo iho Sign on an old jAī!op> : ®tVEN OAVS !N THiS ■ OAN MAKES ONE WEAK An«tH«r mu{fc Ke«<S«<l !nv«ntl(j* i« « 4ir*ctien fin<ief f<jr P*rk«r j 'W «***, a d»v"!c« th*t wi!! j «ttf! th« in . dWct!of* frcm «hkh d Iwlill»#» to 8» Such *» ;nven . tte« P r>?Vf 4 bvvr» lo

car drivers orossmg the ranch at ] night. .] Creut liiiuiiu seeuis to have a rnther slippery ou Creece. A cOuntry willi 'a nauie llke that sbould be sori of liard to.haiu; on to. In case of attack, Turkey says she will help Greece. Usualty it's grease that helps turkey. A WPA wo"ker threw an egg at Weudell Willkie iu Chieago tlie otlier day but liif Mrs. Willkie instead, land ruined her dres.s, whieli proves onee more that it is always the woiuan who pays. SOURPUSS SAM SAYS;

"A aood way to «llminate a !ot of careless bus drivers around here

wouia be to make them undersQ an inteUigence test before tssuing them a lleen^e." AN EPITAPH Here iies wivat's left Of poor Goldie Lake; She stepped on the gas In?tend of the brake. 1940 simi!e: As funny fooking as a rookle the first time he wears Hls service uniform.

JUMPING THE GUN ■\Veekly" newspapers have their di!ftrnlt prohlems. The editor of an Illinois weekly wished he ran a tlaily when he had to give his rea<3ers ooniplete news ahmU Gruudmu f nuth. However, after inueli thousht, he packed tlse $tory into this sentence.

t "Or;(ndma Smith i? very low as I we go to press. If she <lies slie will lbe lniried Sun(lay.' % j —Pent In by I'. A., Uilo, f Wanda WaffIe1ron, the belle of I Walakea, says a fl?rT with curve$ : J a?ways hat trouble a ! square deal. ! OVCRHEARD !N KONA I Tourist: "ī love the beautios of your eountryside," Hilo taxi <īrtver: "So do 1. uiui I sometimes I ?ive 'em a lift." ! BULL-ET1N ! ! . i

j **»« *pit» of my age, I ean shoct f M w«!l *t I G©u!d in UMMER-L(CK A $hwp whieh pasluml at Suttou, For «mergeiicies oaretl not a butuni, At an oncomins car j It raerely said "Bar-]f — Aud lii l«s§ Uiaa two ioote iī I n>u*ton. IMAOINE HER SAY»NG THAT

Our 4«rilng LiHt« $tre«mi>ne« , » bach«tor i« * m*n who cau Hāv« « giri on hi* Kr«e«« VMthc«t . havino h*r o« hU h*n<i«, 6wt *c , #ont b»!i«vf »h« w«s think t ! [ abōut a c«rt*m >«uns HUe hA<n\t. . , i«r whd h*« rttir*4 from p«iittc» , , an4 «« Ukvki<m 1« ht« regui«t | . OliOO Uit, Uu«v, iln .1 Niiioi witoj « tv» M-UŪ 10 Li>, »VS .Ai.u'iiW Mi tit* .UMMiuiiuu, j Scctch «*».di«c« *<* | uvt« w«r,

why the Germans are not $o easily scared as they wtere in 1914-18. i I Deck sieward on the SS Waiale-, aie to .sweet young thing lianging over Uie rail: 'Waiting for the mooii to eome , upr i Sweet young thiug: "<sood Lord,| i uoes that have to eoiue up, too?" ; WAiAKEA WILLIE SAYS; j

"lf women'a clothes did not j change so often, there would be more "change" in n»arried men's i clothes." ] | Tl.e German sovemmeni is get-j so liard press<nl for ca<h that it is planning to hoek llie Wateh ou the lihiue. But lunv eau they ] ee? a loan on il whou there ;ue j , !'••• .lew?sh pawr.V.rokei> ii>, Oeima j i" >? | i AFTER THE ELECTIQN ] j

-JWioto by j|thn Le« Pictur« of « d«fc«tcd c«ndid«U p«ying hi« «dv«rti«. ina W»l, is lo gol Uio i rou<h ! u> «hvl*rs w«t- as»tt*s>t liiisatn, . \w... mUlkn* Frou.:hii!oi! I wnmjf~ wo hojn\ | £v*ry dog h«« hi» d«y, I <«« \* «*• ©M «d«ee. in s<vn\« j |M»cm «rouhd t«wn th«>S« b««ii ' ' taK«n fl th« tni«ht*« Ut«lj, too- ! i Auor iie«rin£ rvni Af\u-an mwie j c« i M«rtM4 Ad\xMLtut\ ", hav* i > iv> - v lw «wUm! b«najs tfe«a j jVWi, A4i«s «r« JKH« iUiHA<yr* j iiw 4ut\|tle tr«»msioo %ho» M j . ,*««*>, 4«» OMI lU<d «ittiutss juiul« I • ii> iiiUl. THK <U ARl> lUT NKVKK Sl UiiKMiK»»!' 1