Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 33, 11 December 1940 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. īf you have a goad gag, send it in and ue will publish it, and give your name the, credit. —Koko-Nuts. ' 1 - •#!/ i , • -~ - ' • - t1

Wanda Waffleirou, the heile of Waiakea, is so tlumb slie tliinks tbe liuniauian Iron Guard is ihe railiug around tlie frout poreh of īhe rojal paluee to keep the kids from failing WARNING Beware f the o r «at II Duce, And quick!y face about; Or the Evzones will get you lf you don't watch out. SUGGESTED CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR PROMINENT CITIZENS FOR— Kenneth Byer!y—One miliiou inches of advertisiug toutracts for .3941. Bandmaster Gabrie! Wela — A new reheursal rooni for tlie Hawaii Oounty band. Aua« s t j[Rowdy) Costa— An invi tation to lkis owu weddiiig. Sheriff H«nry K. Martin — Tho surreuder ,of llauūUon \Vare. Deputy Sherīff W. M. S. Lindsay —A fish bigger thau ihe lust one he eaught. Alfr«d Kum a Ue — A sack of prunes. County Tr«asurer A. P. Bento— A eheek proteet6r. Publisher John A. Lee — A new cylinder press. Ed?tor Jack o'Brien — 1(X) new swiog ban<l record.s, Ne'wn Bocku« — work and more pai'. San]i Abe —2 years' subscription to the Hawaii Sentlnel. Edwin A. de Si!va —A string of serviee stations. C-"ity Auditor Harry K. Brow« — b>x of beUer eigars than the oue he smokes. senat<>r-efect V. A. Caryaiho—A ©VWl*T*\ so he ean set over tliej ground faster. Tom Cunningham - An iuvitatioa to dtnnor at ehaimian Si>eueer , s house_ Sen. W. H. Hill—A loeuUou for another theater. t-eflion Commander W. F. 6oid«mith—A new Legion elubhouse. P. C. Beamer~ A liip arouud the worid. „v»E|hwlr« M. Desha— A reiiable eure for toothaelu\ Dr. R°fl- A o,arand riile. Cliff Bowman A vage for hls Lion«. , Harold Warner—ivmiuts, 1 BULL-ET!N \

■t'm g«ing to u#e Chrjttm*« «mivlngs just to pay btHs, ar\d nothing els«." It Uve vrar ktvi>s pnui: for aiK»ther year. over\ Anu'neaii will kuow wliere every muu'o is -<>r wojī. W*rnina to Muwoiini; Bewarc ef Qr««ks bearme e«ft*. Tb« wvul*k». witli meiu ia la\vs Is that thoy thUtk Banla C!hus. TH«> wy m«n descen<l«<J frswi\ monkey*. ftememb<:r, they Mid "d««cencted." WAR NOTfc Th« <,l«rsusuis sUll lkuuh to»u, n«ī 1 briāgt? Aln*t fa}hn« mwo* Gcmi«ni hav* $*i4 , to bcn>btng £cott< ju«t t«C t(f|ht for th«f»i. thSi\ji i-Vi! th« war - r«o>i» jX>ut.

HER "STEWED" UNOLE I

Little Streamlines, the briflht and shinina star of the front offjce, had a beefy unele who was a missionary and went to the"cannlba! is!ands to convert ihe natfves. But the natives converted ] him, instead. They converted hfm into a de!icious stew. NOw they"re blaiaing France's ilowufall on a womau. But who do they V«lame for temptiug the womnus? Jum another apple episode. SAD STORY Another Ho!!ywood Star, we hear, Has ditched her hubby For a career. Another needed invention is a spare tire that A\on't deflate itself hofore von hnw nee»! to u?e st. SOURPUSS SAM SAYS:

"One roomer ln a hote!. with a phonograph and a stack of sw?ng

ibaho r®eords, ean sure play heek with the peaceful slumber of the other tenants."

ROVINO SCRIBE MISSES TURKBY.—Newspaper headline. T'nder present war conilitions. we\l miss it, too. Premier Antonescu cf Ru:na- . nia has ordered a purge of the . fron Guard. Just sort of aivinfl . them the acid test. i Tlio l'resideut is on a eruis<oj tliro;!.-h tho West ImUos aiul iliOi Oan-iheiin Sea. to inspect dofen*es, aciordlng to nmvspaper iv}kui. Of e<uirso. he won't thiuk of uo i !n,c :tny Rf:hliig. YTho wants to het? WAIAKEA WILLIE SAYS: !

f "Sf>eakin* ©f a S®'dfish hav«ng i privacy, dtd you ever tr> bu\ī ing vourseff n drinN īn a becr j parior in a Snull abeut the ! sue of this one? M ' | tt!nv:tU naiUuuO. guardsuio:i uro < :ir> epMon.K of ? I nio:is!os. si is roi>or(Oil j There's alwajs soH>ethiu£ u> • ' sold?ers sorstoh. I I Sdldier* returning ?r«m H«v>aii ' I »re b!amed for brfWft?no ihe epi- ! I demlc of Hu now preva?eftt in Ca- ! Hfo*i>i*. 1 W«ll, th« *otdi«rt «twa>s have ! t® tak« tom#thlnB b*cV uUh lh«m frofc H*w*U. THE "WKAKEK" $Ē*

llv *aiJ that tu tU« laouuuiiAi , ieo for | l'u'. >],<. pUUi; isK UiV»iik , " ' vuo.r w««k. 8 %4\«u\<u. j Vi"! * &;sue4 i»»:.* a*> M A»u jou wouia To t«*iu wou lhti ' Aiu', ke ivwi>tvatlfcViL ( Tlu's ia iLu^ } WUiwU bi» 4>10a.. 4

WAR NOTE f The 6«rmans have threatened *o «hoct mere holes in every Swi«s che«s« they car> f?nd, If the Swiss t)ont qutt s>ving a»d \0 \ Great | The xray the ItstT!:m< aro fro!ng. j oae wo«l<i thlok the»v \vo-re l>eiufi lod liy \Vro»Jī W;iy Oarricun. |

GGODBYE, DOLLAR

.Sa n d y McPh«rson says he dreads the near approach of Beb'by Burr>«' birthday. He enjoys eatirsg Scotch ha®-

g.s. but when h« h« to d<g up * ? tlp!lar fer rt, >t takes al! the en- ' 8 ioyment «w*y. For « dotlar he oou!d buy a lot of oatmeai. | ' AN EPItAPH | Beneat!\ tW? sod ! ī,tes |XX>t M<! Hsitoh; ' oar rtrovo » H««! n wom out elulek I | Chrfstm*« ]» Ju«t *round th* | comer, But it'« n«t the t*tnt i ' corn?r tb*t P<r«&p*A\) hu«a be ! *® leng but never uot ' i *mmd. | I ro gt \ o tV,o ' "«h «V-w Kw* ( a *rav T!p|K>raf.v, ai^how,] | Am«rle*n r«tum- | I «4 frwn Cn«t*nd, t*>« th« 6«r- -! m*n» *re uitn« * b<oh er*d« of ! om. Mowever, h« dfdn*t m> it **s tht bt*rid th*t conx« (rom b«n*n*t. s Tln> is ihw v?f Uhe» ? WV.'V uil) !V3y> th# ' AlWk H * ffe!low wltk *»4 « whl'io l>card to: imiMi? tim | WK im MI CH liK iIEiL t