Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 42, 12 February 1941 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. If you have a good gag, send it in and we icill publish it> and gite your name the credit. —Kolso-Nuts.

(<\>urtes.Y Hilo Tribune IlcraUl) j Why ilues Ilaile Sela:<sie want to v*o l>at-k to Ethioi>ia? Oli, prol)ably just to tlie «i»UreMu l>e left hohiiul whon lie heat tli*» Italians In th<? niaratlion to the h<it'dor, • Ves, this may be a sma!l world. But it fits most of the people.— Judge. And there's the Sthofield Barracks rookie who saul, wheii the sorgeant asked him where ivas the halaiu e of !vis rifle: "This Ss all ■ they j£uve ,nie l" Last year must have been a good one for a lot of fotks. Many of them are still dating their !etters "1940." Fooltsh <|U< v stion Xo. 771111; "P.i you ihink tho pr«?s>idenl will in ry out (his dofonse prograirt?" BULL-ETiN

"I have my ineome tax report 1 made out already. I nev«r ke*p the tax coltector wa!tino for h?s money." MODERN VERS»ON Humpr.v Dumiiry sat on a wall, He simp'y hail no sen.se at all; \vi»t'lie*l wmp raiders ln the sky— Poor H»tnprv \ t tiK» ,vouug to dle. Leoendary Onee upon a time ther« was a man who r«atly kept all hts New Year r«6otutlons. HYMN OF HATE A piri we hute Is waltress Deitz; We «rder beans, sht» hrlngs us Said the strawt>erry to the eook: "WeU, i'H be j*mmed!" M«s«oliii! io tho Grwks: "Whassa ;i da r»after wkl joti Vnn't you tako ;t joke?" SIR MARMADUKE SAY3:

"Hi sye, old b««n, c«wn*t you jot«y wel! *gfty up and u» some mor« m;mitlo«sr Dash īt aH, we eawn*t prOtect Namerica . t>y -fifhting *itl«r with our bar« ' '»nd*. you know. *Op 1% o!d cteah!" a \vliiflf of his \vo i\h>! tho to muliul ( ! %%»*. CVirvn!ho that the ■!*to Vi«H» l»r« i sldeiit Marsba)! r..-> : n lion li.' KaUi that \v?iat th!s *HMSiury nmW was n eigar O€SERT POME NO. 101 ©ut o« the lon« de«rt ln a heap M«c Jo< Sn«ad, On that fa«t:atttc road He «how«cl too mueh sp««<j. m< wo n»>!ir\o Klplo} > "iieikne lt t»r NniV. We ilo XOT. Life'# D«rke«t Momenl; Wh«n you B®t into «on*b«dy e!ee*t c*r in«Had of your owt% «nd th« i ©wn«! giv{»s y&u lh« hore« Uush. Ooe«r't t mak* >ou fc«i «ut'j ' «CVtSCO VtRS!ON M«ry twl :i l*iuh ¥ lt grv« 'm n> a sh<.H. ! p, >»«vr M:nj »-outilH it utth ihe fivxik Oti oanmn slot»p.

| ISN'T SHE SMART? i

Littte Streamlines has been reading about this New Order that Japan īs trying to put over in the Far East. She thinks it is just an order for another shipioad of scrap i'on. If the Tīritī«li ean *persuade the Irish to let tlie»i use Ae!»" Cork, they i-an soojr i->ott!e īip tlie Oenuan «tih'rarines. LIMMER-LICK Ther« was a young feiiow named lshil. Who wrote to a Frenchman !n Vlchy And said, "My, oh my!" You should live in HawaH, For the news from your countfy sounds fishy. Si»ys Kmper<>r Haile Selassse t»> i ?iis people: "lie of srooil e!uvr. Abys- ! siiiia soon." ' BENiTO 0F THE BALCONY

Mussolini's «peeches Were quite bombastic, And his dream of empire Was mo«t fantastic, But he never aga|n Wiii bo qulte the «ame, A«d you'!l ne'er see his bust )n the great hall of fame. Miss Vera \Vett, the glauior of Bay, oallg her Itig rersiau cat Ctvcon«ts, because he's al\vii,vs full of mllk, SO IT 6EEMS 0!d Noah «pent $ome forty days Abeard h?« famous ark: tn H»!o town 1t takes that long To flnd a plaee to park. Hint to eolouel Liudl>ergli: Si!eaoe is goWēn. The Faseist *rmy has proveß it«e!f to be the Factest army—in retreat. OAWN IN HILO \*oa ris«» frf>m l»e<t at htv«k \*f «lay And then m> out for «Us, Aml lna-e th!»igs tlmi you wiU , MV ( W!iHv> du\vu uur sirot>u, j ' Wu'H tlte Ch!ueBe resuuraxiis i A!i stt w!Ui uud poi, j Ana tl.eu .\uull siuell liie eoffee j Atul 'he hot oak.es, "uh, l>oyj Vou'll «ee a huß<lred buses, ] Atl for a fnt>e— j Por five «nts thej will uke jou i "Ro\iikl llie lown iiu>st | You*l! .-&x- a iloaen Uogs aud cats, i You*H seo "Mahauna Guu<,lhl', | «>ur !o>t«!ins janStur W!u> ihe siiOi> iu.»l iku^. ;Yo« 4 h a Inuuh of ! A!mut tO gī» \>U Mww liouie, T?tcii- iK>ekeis fuil oi A:ut u-v ilu> a»\vti lo l>rv«k, With £ro\viug n. i.i.iiu-i wlicrc i&uu You*ll uieiH with oia Fred ior. You*U a siK>rtsiuau ou Uio bo&eU, , Wiiu hook ami Uae atid aet— He hasut esusht h >Uig!e ftsU At ūlu & \LUHe voiu weL j Y l '* >VX, i>crvhaiKV 4 41 ;OBC j l>o,\ | v • ■ . v a i.» i iU! seUtu4 i t* 4ohn A. !,«♦** "Muil rr«s&". | i; ,\ou sdiuuiu walk U) WaiHke>4 . Aiui go Oie i ivsr, j You"ll ftu\i ihe tiiat oomc«| f«xuo, H | WiU iui% UMike j

Tbe youiiger generatīon Geu eurly start to aoliool, To wiuigle tlirough Oie traffic Yuu auusi reuiāia «j.uiie aiol, For if you get excited Autl try io (la&li ucross, TUe traffic eop will hnU you AuU shy\v you wUo is bos& A iot uiore thiags jouTt As eaeli uew duy i& l)oru In Hilo town, iu old llawaii, While stroiiiug in tlte morn. Another ba.dl> n6eded invention is a contraption that wiil prevent pedestrians $toppinā in the middle of the safety zooes wlhen they are haif way across. HE'S A LIEUTENANT NOW Anil there's tt Hilo eeuple wlio £0t a tetter from tlieir son, wlio is now In the army, telling them that he had a comarissioj», aiid_ tlie.y are wonderiug how mueh. it was. WAR NEWS NOTE lt is reported that the Australian troops have taken over a!I the bars in Bardia. She was <vhly a taxi driver"s daujrhter Iml your auto nieter. — IVxas Hanjrer. 194t «imile: A* r«re as «nak«bite in Hawaii. ISLA.M> Alli TitANSL»ORT Li». —Newspaper They usujil iy functlou best wheu tl»ey are up. Wand« Waffletron ( the belle cf | Waiakea, says if sh« wer« run- | n#ng a newsp*per sh« wouid iimit it* «i» to four eolumna. Sh«'s he«rd so mueh unfavorable eomment !at«iy about fsfth eoiumn that she beiieve«Jfor the flood of ! all *tewspapers it shou!d be discarded. THE WAiL OF PVT. CAPONi !>a Greek he plai' too ūiooeha rvugK I lak I got «nouieU. Uu» da MussoUm."u he t<jU us "Ko T j So we ti£iu iii wuii and iaow.. I uo g€t foo\l, ī iiu sejt sieej>, | Au" aii <iu timee boi>& reireat. i iireek he tou«h* he hard l&kl j | | Au' iue vcr" seared da Ueeg Ev-i I aoue. | i l seare4 4a UouiU, I scaivJ guu, j 1 uo g»t resi, i nU wm im | For K«t*i) w ax pa £OOd» \ Uut da Mus*okvn his Uead lik« j wooti» 1 11«? u>Mk u»> ūght v> keu uo | i l*k to keei iki ao ui&u." LiNOBERaH OPPOSMi.O 10 FOR «iLL. — N«w*{pa|>«r h«*diioe. Weii, wfc*wii iuouteut. Whea you ou W<HlucsviHi Uuki. iour w«4oiuf uuulv«tw* ou Suu *uU iou forjrol *U aWui iu > ou Oiviu i reui«ulK-r , kisa th« Mule wouiiAn oi i*et oui &>c #> OOWN WiTH TAX£&i «£, THt BOSTON TfeA « I PARTY. I