Ka Hoku o Hawaii, Volume XXXV, Number 49, 2 April 1941 — Untitled [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

This eolumn is open for contributions. // you have a good gag, send it in and ive uiīl pubīish it, and give your name thc credit.—Koko'Nuts.

(C\>nrtosy Ililo Tribune HeraUl) Thk!s ooUhiih \vclfomes <'<>mrihutious, but \ve regrot_ to sny. of tlic j stuf£ ut- awin l eumiol . be ui>ei3. We hftve hail to vvjovt nv,\-, ny oi' these fontribi3tioiis for vari-, oas reason.-v One of thest K , iu particulur Us tbf lluil por- J sous senil in wntributions that nrp , eitlioi liliolous or olso liuvo no re:il ; valut> a gag. Thi-s is not n eolumn J for «irins persoiiai KTievaiu. es. It is ] merely intendet3 to !>r pntertnining ] and wise vracks at ihe eKpein?e of' sajne innorent person are noj entv A r- , tainlng. ! Shc Had To Eat With Jack Haley. — Sign in front of loeal theater. No doubt that wasn't hard to do. IUV l.ei liueen To IV lloiu>red Wilh Six rups, - Ne\vsjmi»or hoa<lliue. Coffee or InitiennnU? FooH»h Qu«Stion No. 88888: Oo you a!ways have such tove!y weather in Hlft>? THE BANANA A loeal hoy \vas aske<l to \vrite a short thesis on the hanana, and thls the result: The hannna is great reitiarltaWe frult. He is eons(rueted in the satne archltootun\r stv!o as «\usage. ferenee beinc sldn of sausa.ee i? haMtQaily coHsunied, whHe not adrisahle to eat \vrappinc of hanana. The hanana is held aloft while eonsrnninjr; sansaee are usually left in reeliin'ng r>osition. Sausa2e <iepend for ereatioii of human heings or stufflns maehine, while l>anana are produet of motlier nature. īn the ease of sausajre. hoih eoneluslons are attaehed to other sausa.se ; banawa 011 other liamls are attaehed on en<l to stetn aiul opposite termfnation entirely loose. Fina!ly, hanana an* stri<-tly of vegetahle kin?don», wliile afftliation of saus»\ge ofnndeeided, BULU-ETIN

*'Pm onty s«rry that l*fn not young enough to jotr» the army. tf I were ā young tnaft t "wouldn*t wait to be drafted." Aiul this oiH,' (*uiue< froni u Huniakua iv;ii'or • \ l.omlon hal 011 h!c fivsi visit to tt»o o.>u»Try o;nm* a i»H in whloli had Uuiii}hhl huitrt»vtf «»r "l<l t«tlk brttth><. lU> <it!nv«? for n wlille |n &'mtist>imMi( t!u'ii ealknl '*Couk iuul 'iivo ;i St»ok, T L vo .1 ww'< ; IM*St ī DESERT F»OME NO, 107 On the va#t Kau desfrt, Tw«nty milie from town, WUh two bīown out tir«« is poor Percy Brown. SOURPUSS SAM SAVS: Krsoi\vl< m!*,' htvi' :i »v:tstuoi*Hy ■ thr\ * >v» ' Ci >" lf M'l! th«vu ?oi> inmi wln* tra<l, - t 'hm I *' for nitMit*> makōs : « j>oiir IS4I str»Mie: As happy as th« m9n w»'o is expecti«g 3 v?st from feis mother ir>-!av». "Wo ,i:? !>\ whal we »tx> v',f vrMU 4 ImlK' '!< V,v uii!St \v<« h;UV atr\\u«!\ ' " l.onulWlu». HVMN 0f HATt A ®lrl w* h»t« !• Ve»*a Sicw: Bhe comts in !ate T<s th« pletwr« *hfcw.

There is absolutely no truth in the rumor tbat a lot of SeoteKn»an ar\' pl:mtiinjr to niove to the south of Trela7id. hei-iinse they heartJ it Js a t'ree state, S»R WARMADUKE SAYS: ; ' "What 1 *ate about the«e blaws j ' ted air raids most is that they | disturb my awfternoon tea." 1. l.esendarv: (inee upon a time ! theiv wa< a new?paper editor who 'had tinie enon,ah to keep his desk U-fean—hut !tis papei* \vas puhlished Jonly onoe a montli. ' MODERN VERSiON ' Oid Mother Hubbard i Went to the cupboard ! For something to quench her I thirst, When shft aot there i The cupbcard was bare I for her oid man had been there ! - * flrst. j WAiAKEA WiLLIE SEZ:

I Love is n game ihiu is never fpostpoued ua aeeounl oi tlarkiifss. Life's Darkest Moment: When j you are in conference with a prosi pective customer and are just about to eloae the deat, and a long distance tēlephone eall comes in when he is about to sifln on the dotted iine, and it's some long j winded person who is tatking, and j you have to sit in suspense until j the conversation is flnt«hed, durj ing whieh time tht man may j change his mind. Wouidn't it give j you the jitters? ,\u Oklahoma bad wnn has b«n m'Uloikihl to yeai's tn prison. r»y the tune he h«s finished hts um*e the «iuestton of who won the i \vfirld war st»ōuld ilpcltle(l. KING TO SPEAK.~Newspaper headline. Sam Kina or King Oeorge? e.iniu eiano. tolepluniin<: Hitler: Aūnii", ,vnu \ve*d all , u- jn Knjriand i>y l>e< > en\ber 15, l\ut i y*»u haven't kept your protiusc." j Hitlor: "Where are you calling j tr«uuV Athens?" | Spain ia anxlou* to Glbraljtar back. But th« PrudentUt 1«i $ur«Ac< Co. won*t let loow of it. , NOT A BADtDEA

j l,utU* Uio of(U-o i>oi, jjs »» »HMk\st th«l >ho oiMloml* \wt umH v r her h«t j Wa«d« Waff?«iroP, thc b«H« of I WaiaWea tov»n U treufct« } with h«<- eye*. She »»)« thf> arf on tht hlink. SOMEBODY SENT TWIS j I gut iu ul\lov 5o ( • a uow drh)kii.ji aoi;* ! Pro<luoor And dKI U work! | i\«mxvsiir K*\ I £KH TH> > vuul iho t\rs( v\vo ! And th«r<*§ th« f* I th«r %h« 6*v« th« ioctor 4 »^bb«r ] «hHk ln r*tum for * b£un«itt£ | I WiiiuU Wuff;clrvw*"* tlo<4is J'.LM. K4£. Vtii V.o ii-W a m«mHl.

POOR GRADE OF SCOTCH Sandy McPherson says hīs ; neiflhbor's English is very bad, ' but his Scotch >& worfie. ■ v i> i,T-... ] FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS ! A Hri(ish th 4 tlging reporter luui hwn reprtn!;nul<»(t for his oyorloui; uivouius unū loia a> ht> lUn i«jxt story was lunuHl in a$ folU>\vs: "A shocking ineulenl ocourre<l iust 6ir Koggy liiank, u gues?t at litidy Briny's hall, eomplaineel of feeling ill, took lns lial, liis ooat, liis t3eparture, no notioe of lii> friends, a taxi ( a pistol from liis pocket aiul, finalTy, h!s life. XU'e eliap. Regrets and all that. —f?ani, Honokaa. JUST LIKE THAT (Contrlbut«d) Life qulte resemt>!es a garden ptot. You plant your llttl« buibs and seeds, Up comes a lot ef fovety flowers And a heek of a bunch ot wndi> Miss Vera Wett, the fteetVs ?lamor girl. says her now K>.v frtoiul ts Jost Hke an almon<l tmr—s\voot hut n«tty. ' The way of the speeder !s hard. i tf the eop get him the undertaker d©es. l . Sjtndy McPherson is a hit tii>lu Smt he ;ihvays carrios quilo a lut of loose ehanpe in hls poe'koī?. i And there*s the d«af man wh<* | wa» arre«t«4 «n a traffic «haioe, but h«'« all Hght now. The judgt? * 9»v? htm a htarfna. ' īf the who stole tho jar «»f aiwhol out of our oellar w ill return Uraiulma's appondi\ f no tious wlll be asked—-ClassifieO ad. Sn mainian<l daily. i "I Ve ju«t taken a «hine tc your said the *tork to the eol ored s«ntt«man when th« hou«*.—Harv*rd Lampoon. Vik\> » VYv>*Uu,\ >v» fear Uvi»g \ui thc UuUv\i<J o£ tht UuiL- L*&s OALL OF THS WtUD A Chitv**c euek mm j thrcugh th« wWi*. Ha Uīuē4 larcwn<i U im a be«: fct i«v»tng him, amaiUnA «r hu trask«, | !tk« U-acW«: Vetj l i makee «om« mum. <iuick."--fU4 I_ _ ! ēnii ot- m uvi,\. ai.l oii