Ka Nupepa Kuokoa, Volume X, Number 36, 9 September 1871 — Ka Nupepa Kuokoa. English Column. [ARTICLE]

Ka Nupepa Kuokoa.

English Column.

Can a !over be called a suitor when h «ion'l suit her ? \Vhy will next year be like last ? Becaus Jast vear will be 1812 (too.) An apothecary send in a bill to a wido> wiiieh ran thus: 4To curing your husb.in lili he died !" . - A paper has an article headed \vith th conundrum, "Why do wives fade ?" \V suppose it has because they \von't \vash. A PortUnd that a man re cent]y w«lked inio tbe office of the Zion' Adrocate, and inquire if Mr. Zion \vas in. An old man is easier robbed than a youn) one, for his locks are fe\v, and his gaic i generally broken. ——— It was a real humorist who said that t( think of China and othcr far off eountrie! - 4 nraioed the imagination and madeitache.' A plain spoken preacher recently declarec that some people cannot see the diflferenc€ between sounding the gospel trurnpet and blowing their own hom. A minister not long ago preached trom the teit t 'Be ye therefore steadfastbut the printer made hi/n expound from "Be ye there for breakfast!" An exchange, describing a funerul, says "The procession was very fine and nearly t«ro rniles in length; as \vas also the prayer of Dr. Perry, the ehaplain." A wag, obs«rving on the door of house :he name of two physcians, remarked that it put bim in mind of a double-barreled gun, if one missed, the other would be sure to kill. Tbe following cūrious typographical errore occur ia Nuttall's Pocket Dictionary : "Aspen, a kmd of popular tree; Lae, a kind of gun ; Soot, condensed smoke." A gentleman addressing a passionate lore letter to a lady in the saine town, added this curious postscript: "Pleaw to send a speedy answer, as 1 have somebody eUe in my eye." An old lady reading an account of a dis- : tmgaished old lawyer who was said t"o be the farther of the New York bar, exclaimed : "PfK>r man ! he had a dreadful set of ehildren." A Bchoolboy, having verv good-naturedly helped another in a diffic.ult lesson, was angrily questioned by the teacber: <l Why did you work his lesson ?" "To lesson his word," replied the youngster. Theodore Ho«k onee saw an exceedingly pompou* man walking in a street in London, whom he immediately accosted, u Sir, may 1 inquire if you are anybody in particular ? w He then walked off without makiag j any reply [ A comittee has been formed in London I forthe purpose of presenting Miss. Emily Faithful a testimonial for her great service in fowarding tbe industrial and educational interests of women. The Eajrl of Shaftesburyis ehainnan. i ■ ——— j An English writer advises young women 1 to look favorably upon those eng»ged in agricaltaral pursoits, assigning as one reason | that their "mother Eve married a gardener." He forgnt to add that in consequence of the | match the gardenerlost his situation. | RvxxAway wtth Chr istm nity,— Tbe Goīden J!ge endorses as "golden words" tb« saying of heseing: Kevelation giyes ! nothiog to a man-kind to whieh human reaso», if lcft to itself, would not attain.! When a horse takes the brt a,nd runs, it is sometimes good policy to let him run withj out trying to stop him. In due times he I tires» and stops himself. We question wbether the same course is not the wise . one with those who are trying to ron away j with Chnstianity. Let them run ! The wagon is strong, broad*bottomed, and not easily upset The jolting and swaying may throw oot sotne iaggage but nothing more: and after m while the runaways will want breath. r.