Ka Wai Ola - Office of Hawaiian Affairs, Volume 23, Number 4, 1 April 2006 — Poems Letter [ARTICLE]

Poems Letter

Planet HAYN NASA's Hubble Spy Scope has discovered a 12th planet in our solar system. The celestial body, dubbed HAYN86 or HAYN for short, was found to be teeming with an intelligent life form. The planet, as well as the creatures living on it, was named after the original inhabitants of the Hawaiian Islands, long since extinct due to poor health and self-genocide pacts during the "crabs-in-a-bucket" political wars of 2007. The Hubble Spy Scope has revealed many things about the inhabitants of HAYN. Crime is practically nonexistent as family structures are so strong as to

deter most antisocial behavior. When an individual does commit a rare misdeed, the shame wreaked upon the evil-doer by the household is more effective against repeat crimes than corporal punishment. However, no one is ostracized from the family unit except for serious wrongdoings such as murder, rape and joining the Frank Delima fan club. There are three distinct castes in the population: the ruling class, the eonunoners and government workers or "untouchables." The most corpulent HAYNs are worshiped as models and celebrities. The environment is revered by the inhabitants. Natural resources are strictly rationed, but the locals still manage to share their last morsels with stellar tour-

ists. Their main staple of meat comes from boxy-shaped beasts called "spam" that they hunt in the forests. The abundant plant life is used for many things besides food, such as medicine and clothing. They even refine a super-powerful fuel from a fermented fruit called noni. Scientists also discovered a vast garland of bio-thermal energy that surrounds the tiny world. The HAYNs eall this ethereal belt "Ah-Low-Ha," whieh our linguists loosely translate as "love," a noxious emotion that was genetically weeded out of the human genome decades ago due to all the misery it caused on Earth. John Kapanui Honolulu, O'ahu

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